Ninety Years

Tonight our family struggles to say Good-bye to my ninety year old grandfather, the only grandfather I have ever known.   The grandfather that raised my Mom, walked me 1/2 way down the aisle at my wedding, traveled to see me every week when I was in college, taught me so much about family, was never afraid to cry and has loved our family unconditionally.  There are not enough words to describe the life my Papa has lived.

This comes as a suprise to all of us because Papa has always been so healthy, active and loved life.  The last 4 months he has not been feeling good, but we just credited that to age.  Last week he started sleeping alot at the assisted living home and my Mom became concerened.  After bloodwork, we discovered that his calcium was low and on Friday he was admitted to the hospital.

After many test and IV fluids his calcium level has improved, but his blood is not clotting, he is losing tons of blood, they have found an aneurysm in his aorta, a blood clot in his chest and there is not much that can be done.  He is unable to survive surgery, so the time has come for Papa to meet Jesus face to face and reunite with my Nanny, his three boys, his siblings and his parents.   

I am so heartbroken, but what an incredible legacy he will leave behind through his 2 living daughters, grandchildren, great grandchildren and great great grandchildren.  The man is the most amazing grandfather and father that anyone could ever ask for and  has always put his family and God first.

Oh the things I have learned from this man in my 39 years of life and oh the things I am going to miss about him when he is gone.  For my own selfish reasons I do not want to let go, however I do not want him to suffer.  He has supported me, he has loved me, he has blessed my marriage, he has adored my husband, he has loved my kids and for that I will always be grateful.

This afternoon I went to the hospital and I rubbed his head, played with his hair, held his hand and talked to him as if it might be my last time.  We had a great conversation and we kissed like we always do.  I told him I loved him and he was the best grandfather we could ever ask for. I ask him if he was tired and he said yes.  When I questioned what was on his mind, he told me his grandkids. I asked if he was afraid and he told me yes. I told him that he had lived an amazing life and he was a good father, grandfather and man. I told him I loved him again, he smiled.  I told him not to be scared, that he was in the right place. I talked to him about going home and he assured me he was ready.  I told him I loved him some more. I asked was he ready to see my Nanny and his three boys and he told me yes.  I promised him I would take care of my mother and we would not let her do without anything. I told him I loved him so much. I asked him to smile, he did so proudly.  I showed him the ballerina picture Emma colored and read her sweet message on the back, "I love you Papa, Please get well, Love Frazier 4".  I told him I would come back to see him again, praying I get the opportunity.  I told him it was okay for him to go, that we would all be okay and we were better people for knowing him. I told him I loved him so much and I left.

I left wondering if I would see him again, but at peace that I said everything I wanted him to know and confident he understood every single word. I love this man and I am so happy that I got to see him this evening and got to hold his hand and stroke his head one more time. So grateful for the man that God hand picked to be my grandfather in 1921.  I love him and no doubt, he loves me!